We’re back from our little holiday, feeling relaxed, refreshed and happier than ever. The holiday was well needed for all 3 of us. Having the time away from our normal surroundings allowed us to have the quality family time we were yet to have since Freddie was born; 17 weeks ago. In the 17 weeks that Freddie has been here, we have not had a day of rest and just us 3. We’ve either been out doing stuff, seeing family and friends or working. We decided to go on a holiday due to the stresses of Ryan’s job causing strain, stress and unhappiness in our relationship and family life.
Since Freddie was born, it’s been no hidden secret that me and Ryan have found it hard to adjust to our new life. Having moved in together a week before Freddie was born, we were trying to adjust to being in each other’s company 24/7 after so long of picking and choosing when we saw each other. It was tough, let alone with a newborn baby added into the mix a week after. Freddie being born, made things harder for us – emotions were high, we were running on no sleep, full of anxieties and us both trying to figure out our new little baby. My hormones were all over the shop, I was crying most of the days, exhausted and just finding things tough which meant I’d snap and shout at Ryan without even realising or meaning too and he’d do the same with me.
He was also on a high but soon crashed down when he had to go back to work and leave us. He’d never been around young babies before, so bless him, sometimes he didn’t know what he was doing and would need extra help in looking after Freddie, but my god… when he picked it up, he was amazing. Watching him with Freddie made me want to have a thousand more babies with him there and then!! (Don’t worry, there are no more any time soon, ha!)
“Your husband/partner, the guy who impregnated you becomes your enemy. The guy you love so deeply and whose eyes you looked into when they presented that baby to you and thought ‘we’re in this together’… becomes the guy you fight with over who has it harder, who needs more sleep, who does more and less. He becomes your housemate for a while, and that hurts.”
I read this the other day and related to it so much because that’s reality. There’s the perception that once you’ve had a baby with your partner, everything’s like a dream come true and everything will be amazing and the perfect family life and relationship. NO! It really isn’t and I’m not going to sit here and tell you all, that the perception you get, is correct. There’s been times we’ve reached breaking point and I’ve thought to myself ‘why have we done this, I just want it back to us two.’ as heartbreaking and heartless as that sounds – again, it’s reality. Obviously, I’d never ever want it to go back to us two because having Freddie is the best thing EVER. Period. However, you underestimate just how much your life will change and how hard things will get. You can try and prepare as much as you can, but I truly don’t believe you can prepare for what’s going to happen to your life – in all areas. For some people, things don’t get hard and some will be happier than ever and elated, but others will struggle and that’s totally okay to admit too – me and Ryan will happily admit to it. Our relationship definitely took a backseat for a long time and we definitely forgot to love each other. We were so wrapped up in loving and caring for Freddie, that we in some senses; became invisible to each other. Rather than talking, we’d snap and shout at each other and argue, resulting in us going to bed and going to sleep or just being in silence until someone made the first move to sort it – and even then, we’d still bloody shout.
Ryan has been working incredibly hard lately, as always. He took on a new job in order to still earn the same amount of money (actually, more) but be home more to be able to spend time with me and Freds, however; it wasn’t the case. Ryan was doing 12 hour days, 6 days a week and we weren’t seeing him; at all – no one was seeing him but his job. Which massively impacted our relationship and his with Freddie. He’d go to pick up Freddie and he’d cry because, Freddie hadn’t been seeing Ryan to be used to him; regardless to it being his daddy he loves so much. He’d then come to me and instantly stop, which was honestly heartbreaking and knackering because I wasn’t getting a break and Freddie was just attached to my hip and I could see the hurt in Ryan’s face. I was completely drained from being up all hours of the night with Freddie and then on the go ALL day and evening, AND night, on my own with him.
Ryan was also shattered from working so much and getting little sleep/rest. The impact? You can only imagine the tiredness levels we’d reached which resulted in us just snapping, arguing and being frustrated with each other. Although, we weren’t frustrated with each other, we were frustrated with the situations that kept occurring – things just felt impossible, like nothing was on our side, like we were taking 3 steps forward, but then a thousand steps backwards, like we were trying so hard, but what was the point? Ryan eventually had enough and realised it couldn’t continue, he got time off to figure things out, spend time with us – hence the holiday and look around for other jobs, to which he’s hopefully, found one!!
I’m so proud of him mind, for how hard he works/worked, he didn’t care about anything but making sure me and Freddie didn’t go without. Freddie being born has changed Ryan, for the better. He seems to have given him the kick up the arse he needed. He’s a different guy, I’ve always been in love with him since day one, but now I feel I love him more than I ever have because he’s grown and matured into such a wonderful guy; more wonderful than before. He seems to just have a complete new outlook on life, all his worries he once had, gone. Wanting to be out drinking all the time, no more. He’s become a proper little family man who me and Freddie absolutely adore and wouldn’t be without him. He’s always been a sweet guy who cared and cares for me so much, but throughout my pregnancy, he seemed to just care even more and adore me more and love me more. Now Freddie’s in the mix and I don’t think he could care for us more than he does. He always does everything in his power to make sure we’re okay and that we don’t go without and I could never repay him for that. Ryan, I love you more than I love chocolate… and that’s really saying something!
Me and Ryan before having Freddie, went on a date night every now and then as we realised, for us; it was essential to keeping our relationship happy and argument/stress free. We’d go out and do something which involved us having some fun and talk. Forget about things that may have happened in our day/weeks and just be me and him. Me and Ryan hadn’t been out for a date since before Freddie was born – we went for a meal as our last meal together before we became 3. Which was lovely, but also hard for me because I was nearly 36 weeks pregnant, big, uncomfortable and in pain (considering all the issues I had)! Going on date nights with a new baby is hard, for me anyway. I’ve found it very hard to leave Freddie with anyone other than me, even if for the shortest amount of time and especially whilst I was breastfeeding him. Even though I trusted those around us to look after Freddie, my anxiety levels were too much to handle, I was reaped with guilt every time I wasn’t in the same room as him and I couldn’t bare the thought of going out and something happening to him or him non-stop crying and just wanting me. Now Freddie’s settled, got a routine and I feel a bit more at ease and relaxed enough to leave him for a couple of hours, we’ve gone back to every now and then going for some time, just us two. We’ve realised the importance of our date nights and how much they made and still make our relationship and even more now we have a baby.
Time together, just you two is essential in keeping things happy in your relationship. You need the time to be just you two and go back to remembering why you’re together, why you’re in love and enjoy being in each other’s company, what makes each person laugh, have eye contact, talk, cuddle, kiss, hold hands, have FUN and for a couple of hours… NOT be mum and dad. You deserve and need a break every now and then, even though the whole time you’re out, you’ll find yourself just speaking about your child/children!
Having time with Ryan and Freddie has been the most wonderful thing. Freddie has been doing so much lately, which I’m so glad Ryan’s been around to see, rather than me telling him at the end of the day. Freddie has also really appreciated having daddy around, they have bonded so much and I’ve managed to have time to myself for a little bit and Freddie want someone else other than me. Going on our little holiday makes me realise how blessed and lucky I am to have such an amazing partner who I couldn’t love more if I tried (even though I fall in love with more every day) and to have such a gorgeous, happy and funny little baby. That quality time has bought us together as a family again and we all feel content and in love. Just how it’s supposed to be.
We’ve recently set up a Youtube page as a way of showing more of an insight to our life as a 3, rather than me just writing about it. It’s something we’ve been wanting to do for a long time, but going on holiday gave us the perfect chance to do some videos ready to put a video together to start vlogging. Our youtube page is – ‘Our Marvellous Life’ and our first video is up, so take a look by clicking on the link below. The first video is a little snippet of our few days away! We cannot wait to add to our channel and get people viewing us all over the world.
I’m going to finish of this post by giving a MASSIVE shout out to all those single parents out there, who are raising their little babes alone or co-parenting.. You’re incredible and doing such an amazing job, my hat goes off to you because even though I have a stable, happy relationship and a partner to share the load of looking after our little boy; I have been feeling a bit like a single parent with Ryan working so much and I’ve found it so hard! I’ve shouted, cried, felt like I’ve been failing because there just weren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done whilst having an unsettled crying baby attached to me.. I really don’t know how you do it and I completely admire you for working so hard in caring for your children, providing for them, working and keeping a house running. Seriously, WELL DONE!!♥
Thanks for reading,
Love Chloe x